Memories Of Earth
In a university hospital in a city somewhere in northern Japan. In that morgue.
Aoi Masamichi was standing beside a bed and looking down on Tachibana Mai, his lover who would never wake up again. He’s also a doctor at this hospital.
For who knows how long, he just stared at her. Time was frozen in that room that nobody gets close to in the middle of the night. Like he remembered it out of nowhere, he stuck his hand into his white robe’s right pocket and grabbed a bottle of medicine.
After pouring all the medicine onto his palm, he tossed them into his mouth without hesitation. And then, he grabbed the plastic bottle of water placed on the bed, carried it to his mouth, and drank it in one gulp alongside the medicine.
While still in his white robe, he slipped onto the cramped bed she laid, slid his left arm under her neck, gave her an arm pillow, and gently embraced her left shoulder. He placed his right hand on hers, enveloping it, buried his face in her nape, and sighed.
“Mai. It was a long and painful journey fighting the illness huh. You really did your very best……you must be exhausted……”
“I’m also……already exhausted……let’s go……together……”
He muttered and quietly closed his eyelids.
For a very brief moment, I saw a dream. I’m in an unfamiliar mansion, looking up at the sky from the window. Two unbelievably huge moons are floating in that sky. One of them has the same appearance as Earth’s moon. However, I guess its size is probably a hundred, no, a thousand times bigger than Earth’s moon.
Another one is about the same size, but has a ring like Saturn’s. That ring which shines in a rainbow colour, doesn’t come off like it’s going around the moon even when I stare at it closely. It’s just, shining dazzlingly.
And then, both those moons are rotating slowly. Mesmerised by those twin moons, I’m just staring fixedly at them. And then, without knowing whether that’s a dream or reality, the light gradually disappears, and I descend into darkness.
There weren’t that many things that I, Aoi Masamichi, found enjoyable in my life. My parents divorced when I was young because of my father’s adultery. I don’t know if my mother’s intention was revenge, but it seemed she left me behind by my father’s side and took off. I had completely no memories of my mother.
Ever since then, my father brought a different woman home each and every time. The women at times teased me, and at times treated me cruelly.
For me, a home wasn’t a place of warmth; it turned into a place just for survival.
I didn’t know why, my mother left me behind, and I didn’t know where I should vent those anger and loneliness either.
However, seeing my father who occasionally drank alone, hunched his back, and sighed, I wonder if my father was lonely as well. I had the perceptiveness that ended up thinking about that despite being young.
In the spring that I became a 5th-year elementary school student. I encountered a single abandoned dog. It was a pure-white Japanese dog and was of a size you could tell that it was still a puppy. It was tied to the grill of the park’s entrance with a blue collar and a leash.
“Huh? Are you alone? I wonder if your owner will come and get you? You’ll be lonely like this, right?”
I muttered by myself softly and waited for its owner’s return while playing with it and feeding it water until the sun set.
Its owner didn’t show up no matter how long we waited. The evening sun descended behind the western mountains, and the vicinity turned dark.
“Could it be that you’re, abandoned? In that case, you’re the same as me, aren’t you……”
I brought that puppy back and started rearing it in my room. I named it 「Kohaku¹」. Because it’s little and white. Literally.
I thought I’d be told to 「go and throw it away」 if my father found it, but he unexpectedly didn’t say anything. However, the only thing I couldn’t forget was how he showed absolutely no interest in Kohaku and looked at it with cold eyes though.
My father gave me food expenses and school fees, in other words, he did give me money. I shaved off my own food expenses to buy Kohaku’s dog food.
Every day when I returned from school, I went for a walk with Kohaku. My loneliness was diverted by Kohaku’s existence, and I was happy because it was like I got myself a sibling.
And then, it was discovered by Mai, who lived three houses away. Mai was my childhood friend since kindergarten. Maybe it was because I didn’t have a mother, she constantly tried to take care of me.
“Maa-kun, this child, it’s a Shiba Inu, isn’t it! How did you get it? Did you get your Otou-san² to buy it for you?”
“It’s called a ‘Shiba Inu’? I picked it up on the way back from school”
“Eh? It’s strange for a Shiba Inu to be abandoned. This child is still a puppy after all”
“Is that so?”
“Un. Yeah. It’s strange. Uーn. That’s right! My Oji-san³ is a vet. Let’s have him take a look at his hospital”
“Eh? Hospital? Why? Kohaku is healthy, you know. It can’t run since it’s still small, but it’s not sick or anything!”
I tried to shield Kohaku desperately. I didn’t know what the something was, but I might’ve wanted to protect Kohaku from that something.
“Yeah. It might not be sick, but you have a vet-san take a look when you first rear a dog, you know”
“Eh? Is that so? But I, don’t have money……”
Mai spoke to the me who said that and looked down.
“Maa-kun, don’t worry. You don’t need money. I always have Oji-san look at Ar as well, but I don’t pay anything”
“Ar? Aah, Mai’s dog huh. What kind of dog is Ar?”
“Ar is a toy poodle. And her actual name is Artemis. Then, let’s try going to Oji-san’s hospital now”
Mai’s uncle took a look at Kohaku for us without any hint of disgruntlement.
“Let’s see here, a male Shiba Inu huh. I guess he’s born for about 7 to 8 months……there’s no problem with his outer appearance……let’s, have a little look at his organs, shall we”
The result of the examination, Kohaku had a problem with his heart. It seems to be a genetic condition. The previous owner probably found out about that illness and abandoned him. Kohaku’s condition wasn’t good, and a major surgery was required.
We managed to have him examined him for free through Mai’s intervention, but that wouldn’t roll for a surgery. Of course, he didn’t have any pet insurance, and there was no way an elementary school student could fork out such a huge sum either.
All I could do was simply watch over the Kohaku, who weakened by the day. I spent as much time as I could with Kohaku. In the end, he could no longer even walk, days of mere helpless despair went by, and then in the spring a year after I picked up Kohaku, around the time the cherry blossoms fell, Kohaku departed.
Mai was worried about the clearly depressed me, and she brought Ar over to play every day after school. Ar also got used to me and frolicked with me innocently.
I managed to get myself together in due time while being with Ar.
“Mai. You know, I……want to be a vet”
“A vet? That’s great, isn’t it! You want to treat the illnesses like the one Kohaku suffered huh. You know, for me, I want to be a trimmer”
“What’s a ‘trimmer’?”
“It’s a dog’s beautician-san! You call cutting a dog’s hair ‘trimming'”
“Aah. Trimming huh. I might’ve heard it before”
“In that case. If Maa-kun is a vet and I’m a trimmer, we can operate an animal hospital with the two of us huh!”
“Yeah!”
“Uwaa, I’m looking forward to it!”
We got along with our dreams unchanged even when the two of us became high school students. And then, one day after the two of us became second-year students, Mai came to frequently rest from school.
Mai was afflicted with a troublesome illness. It was an illness classified as an intractable disease that only one or two in a million suffer.
It was to the extent of getting exhausted easily and the chest hurting just slightly initially, but the condition worsened bit by bit. Even so, they didn’t know the cause of such an intractable disease and tided it over by only treating the symptoms.
After becoming third-year students, the name of Mai’s disease was finally identified. However, it was an intractable disease, and the treatment for a full recovery was still not found.
I was extremely terrified of losing Mai. I couldn’t imagine losing her, whom I grew up with since we were young and got me back on my feet from the sad memories of losing Kohaku, whom I’m sharing a dream in the future in the same direction.
And then I realised my vague feelings towards Mai, had grown into an enormous love inside of me.
From the dream of becoming a vet, I changed the direction to entering a national university’s medical department and becoming a doctor in the shortest time. In order to become a doctor and find a cure for Mai’s intractable disease.
When I talked to Mai about quitting becoming a vet and aiming to become a doctor, she was slightly perplexed, but she was happy. And then she softly said 「don’t push yourself too hard, alright」.
I studied mindlessly from then onwards. Since I couldn’t depend on my father for the school fees, I decided to desperately work part-time and rely on a scholarship as well.
And then I passed into university. Making use of the short intervals between part-time, university, and studying, I went to visit Mai as much as possible. That was all the memories of my university life. I didn’t have any club activities, trips, or hobbies; I didn’t even have the leeway to consider such things.
And then I became a doctor. However, becoming a doctor, the more I knew about Mai’s intractable disease, the more I knew how difficult a complete recovery from this illness was.
I may have become a doctor, but there was no way they would let me research a single disease every day, and the work of a newbie research doctor was extremely busy.
Mai’s condition also gradually declined as I was doing this and that. Because it was an illness where the female hormone played a huge part, it was decided that she’d extract her ovaries, and after that surgery, the glint of hope was lost from Mai’s eyes.
Since becoming a doctor and knowing about the details, I could no longer say consoling words like 「I’ll definitely cure you」 either. All I could do was do my best to pay attention to cheerfully talk about things other than the illness in the ward.
I visited the professor researching Mai’s intractable disease after my shift and on rest days and worked as a research assistant. Working continuously without rest but getting no results on the research, I eventually lost faith. And then Mai’s heart also gradually sunk into the abyss.
One day in the middle of autumn, I went to see Mai’s face as always. When I entered the ward and called out 「Mai」, Mai directed just her eyes over here and nodded softly while lying down.
I sat beside Mai’s bed. After a brief silence, while staring at the ceiling expressionlessly, Mai started talking in pieces.
“Maa-kun……the things you did thus far, I am grateful for them from the bottom of my heart……thank you very much……but……it is enough already……”
Mai’s face was devoid of emotions. I returned to my senses after being stunned for a bit by those sudden words.
“Wha-, what’s wrong? What’s enough?”
Mai talked while staring at the ceiling without looking over here.
“I ended up removing my ovaries as well……even if I become Maa-kun’s bride……I already……cannot even give birth to a baby. Maa-kun is also exhausted after all……any more than this is……”
“An-, any more than this? Wha-, what exactly are you……”
What the hell. What have I been doing thus far. Even though I became a doctor with the determination to treat Mai’s illness. Why, am I making Mai say such things!
Mai was so despair, and yet I wasn’t even able to notice those feelings and stay by her side. Haven’t I, just been busy every day!?
It’s the same as having done nothing like this……
The sentiments of remorse and regret were going round and round in my head. I didn’t know what to say to Mai. The silence continued for a bit.
“Even so……even so, I……want Mai to live on……if I……if I lose you……”
Mai, who heard my words, while lying down, quietly, simply quietly shed her tears. I grasped Mai’s hand with both hands, placed my forehead on her hand, and bawled.
The winter night she turned 25 years old, Mai departed. Quietly. It was like she was sleeping in her final moments. Perhaps Mai’s parents had prepared themselves, they didn’t lose control of their emotions.
My tears had also already run dry. I was sad, but my tears didn’t come out. I didn’t have any words for Mai’s parents either.
When Mai’s parents finished the paperwork and were returning home, I sent them off all the way to the hospital’s entrance. Neither of us said anything; we just bowed. I chased after Mai’s parents with my eyes until they were no longer in sight.
I stood there at the empty entrance unmovingly by myself for a while. The winter’s cold and crisp air was over there. I strangely didn’t feel cold. When I unwittingly looked up into the sky, a big, and white-shining full moon was floating over there. Concealed by the moon’s brightness, the stars were pretty much not visible.
The face of Mai came to mind as I was looking at the moon. And then a single streak of tear, fell down my cheek.
“Now then, I’ve got to go to where Mai is……she’s feeling lonely after all”
As I muttered by myself, I took my eyes away from the beautiful moon and returned to the morgue.
That was the final scenery I saw in my life.
